The Short Steps

1. Admit Powerlessness
2. Come to Believe
3. Trust God
4. Take an Inventory
5. Open Up
6. Become Willing
7. Surrender Defects
8. Make a List
9. Make Amends
10. Keep Short Accounts
11. Seek God
12. Pass it On

These steps may be short.
They’re long on recovery!

The SA Promises

You are probably familiar with the Promises of AA. They are even read in some of our meetings. Did you know that in SA, we have our own promises? For those who want recovery there is great hope!

1) Release from the power of addiction
2) Loss of guilt and shame
3) Power over wrong
4) Freedom to do right
5) The ability to live comfortably with ourselves,
6) ….with others,
7) ………and with God.

Some consider the number 7 to be a perfect number. In this case, I think it fits. The program of SA, the working of the Steps and the presence of my Higher Power in my life have given me these very promises.


Nancy S.
adapted from the White Book p. 57

A Candle

God, may the span of my life be as a candle in your sight. May I stand tall before you in openness and integrity. May I allow you to trim my wick, trimming away anything excess or unneeded. May I lift my wick to the flame of your Spirit, not being afraid of your heat and light. As you light me, may I shine brightly, reflecting your light to those around me.

Melt away any resistance to your working in my life. Slowly, gently, melt away any defects. You do the melting. I cannot do it without the flame of your Spirit. Burn in me. Burn away anything that is displeasing to you. As I melt, mold my wax inward with your gentle hands. May I not fall away from your presence. May all that I am bend in towards your flame. Help me to not resist your hands. I don’t want to be like a candle that has a hole born through the center, yet has lots of wasted wax around the sides.


As the span of my life is slowly consumed, continue to trim my wick as needed to prevent smoke from rising into the air. Instead, may a sweet fragrance rise from my melting wax that is pleasurable to you and to those in my life. In the end, may there be nothing left but your flame. But unlike a candle, may your flame never be extinguished.

God, burn your holy fire in me.

(May this not be just a simple meditation. May it be the cry of my hears.)

Leprosy

Leprosy is a dread disease. It horribly disfigures and numbs one to pain. If that were not enough, there is an immense social stigma involved. People do not associate with a leper and keep their distance. The leper cries out “Unclean! Unclean!”

Sexaholism is also a disease. It can disfigure a life. It certainly tries to numb me from my pain and my feelings. There is a huge social stigma linked with sexaholism. It is the “leprosy” of all addictions. People do not knowingly associate with me. Although I do not cry out “unclean”, my guilt and shame have certainly made me feel that way.

Modern medicine is now able to arrest the disease of leprosy and prevent many of its devastating effects. By the grace of God and the program of SA, my disease can also be arrested. I learn to feel my feelings. I am given the tools to deal with my pain. The guilt and shame are lifted as I begin to walk in sobriety and true recovery. Thanks be to God that in this day there is a program for me.

Houseplants

In the past year, I have taken up the hobby of growing houseplants. Before this last year, it seemed as if every plant that I brought into my home died. More likely than not, I neglected them. Even spider plants, which proliferate for others, were doomed to an early demise.

This past year, I was very intentional in creating a “sacred space” in my home. I have hung wine chimes outside of the windows. I can hear them faintly in the breeze. I have an indoor waterfall. The soothing sound of softly flowing water is present. I may have a candle burning. It’s flickering flame and gentle fragrance add to the atmosphere. I often play relaxing instrumental music quietly in the background. Beautiful glassware, in hues of blue, and figurines, depicting signs of life, are tucked into the corners and on the shelves. And then there are my new houseplants. Their green growingness is a testimony to life, serenity and peace.

Houseplants never did well for me before. I neglected them. But now, with care and attention, they are flourishing in the serenity of my sacred space. My own level of serenity is also flourishing. I give it care and attention as well. I have intentionally planned an external sacred space. I also intentionally plan for and set aside time and space in my heart for God. I do not neglect this part of my life.

Scrambled Eggs

A life affected by addiction is like scrambled eggs. Once scrambled, you can’t unscramble them. You can’t put them back together. Try as you might, you can’t put them back in their shells.

My life will never return to what it was before addiction affected me. I have scrambled myself. I have churned up my relationships. I often whip my circumstances into a frothy mess. But the situation isn’t hopeless. No, whites and yolks can’t be separated again. Neither can eggs be put back into their shells. Like scrambled eggs, my life will never be the same. But I can take those same eggs and I can make an omelet. Or I can make a nice custard pie.

My life can go on after addiction. The outcome can be good. The 12 steps and daily time with my Higher Power are the ingredients that are needed. The result is pleasing and enjoyable. My life of sobriety and recovery “tastes” very good to me.

Pebbles

A pond can be quiet and still and smooth and serene. It is a gift to come across a secluded, private, peaceful pond.

But I can choose to throw a small pebble into that pond. The effects are immediate and far-reaching. What was once quiet and still is now ruffled and disturbed. And it doesn’t have to be a big rock. A small pebble can cause just as much damage to the smooth surface of the water.

When I choose to let resentments into my life, even “little” ones, my serenity is disturbed. There is immediate damage to the surface of my life. More importantly, it is like a cancer inside of me, creating much inner turbulence and chaos. But I’m selfish. I don’t like to feel this way. Today, I try to catch myself before I throw even small pebbles of resentment into the pond of my soul.

Holy Ground

Sometimes when I’m in church, I take off my shoes. It’s as if I’m standing in the presence of God on holy ground. It’s as if I need, no want, to stand barefoot before the Lord in awe and humility.

Today I had the honor and privilege of hearing a fifth step. Another traveler on the path of recovery barred her heart and soul to me. She shared things with me that she had never, ever shared with another human being. She was willing to be vulnerable and raw and gut-wrenchingly honest. It was a holy time. God was here. I am so blessed to have been able to witness God’s working in a fellow addict’s life.

Today I stood in awe and humility as I watched and listened to God work. Today I stood on holy ground. Today, I took off my sandals.

HALTS

For those who have been in 12 step circles for some time, the acronym “HALT” is very familiar. It is important for me to have the presence of mind to recognize that Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired can be windows to threats to my sobriety. I am more vulnerable to temptation when HALT is in play.

But I have come to realize that there are two additional sets of circumstances, which can also find me more vulnerable. Sickness can wear down my defenses. When I am not feeling my best, my radar does not seem to pick up the presence of triggers as easily. And Stress is also a set-up. When I allow stress to crowd out my Higher Power, the promises of steps 2, 3, and 11 are just not a reality for me.

It is not just HALT. It is HALTS! I am grateful for the awareness of these additional areas of vulnerability in my life. I want to always be vigilant against any threats to my sobriety, recovery, and serenity. HALTS helps me to have this awareness.

ODAAT

I have often heard old timers say, “one day at a time”. At first I didn’t understand. I was struggling so hard to string together even a few days of sobriety. I thought that when I reached 30 days, I had arrived. I just didn’t understand what it meant to have sobriety, just for today.

Twice, I reached 1-year anniversaries. I was so excited to get my 1-year chip. Then 3 days after my first “birthday”, I lost my sobriety. I had been so focused on what I had achieved that I forgot that it is my God who keeps me sober and that sobriety is only for today. The second time that it happened was 3 days before my anniversary. All of my attention was on what I was going to be able to share with my group about having reached one year. I forgot that I am only promised what I need for today, not for tomorrow and certainly not for the next 3 days.

Now I understand what it means to only have today. I choose to not live in the past or in the future. I live in the present. And the little acronym ODAAT (One Day At A Time) helps me to remember that.

Greenware

I’ve read that the testing of my faith produces endurance. That the result is that I will be complete, lacking in nothing. Sometimes I don’t understand that. Sometimes I think that it only makes me weary.

In the past, I’ve worked with ceramics. The “greenware”, or formed but unbaked clay pieces, are coated with very dull looking glazes before they are put in the kiln. Then the kiln is fired up. The heat becomes quite intense and lasts for quite a while. Once the kiln is turned off, it must remain completely sealed until it has cooled down to room temperature. If the cover is opened too soon, the ceramic pieces will explode. With patience though, the glazes on the finished pieces become brilliant.

Sometimes I seem to be like a piece of greenware. I have been formed by the hands of my Higher Power while seeming to whirl around on the potter’s wheel of life. I am coated in the dullness of everyday living. I am tried and tested by the fires of difficult circumstances. I need to be patient. Sometimes I almost feel like I will explode if I have to wait any longer to see the results in my life. But I need to persist in the face of time. What once seemed dull and even difficult can turn brightly colored. The testing of my faith does produce endurance. I am complete – complete in God.

God With Skin On

The road of recovery is a spiritual one. Steps 2, 3, and 11, speak of a Power greater than ourselves. A God as we understand him. Step 12 talks about “Having had a spiritual awakening…” The Big Book refers to a “…a necessary spiritual experience…”

But many folks recoil from the thought of God. Their experience with God has been a negative one. Or they do not believe in a god at all. Or have searched for God, but haven’t seemed to be able to find anything. We need a spiritual Connection, but we don’t know how to connect.

Some of us, especially in the beginning, have turned to the group as our Higher Power. There is something in a group that is bigger than us. We find a power in the success and experience of others that encourages us on our own journey. I am very blessed by my group. For me, they are “God with skin on”.

Gardenias and Jades

I love to watch plants grow. There is something amazing and wondrous about the appearance of new life. Among others, I have a gardenia and a jade plant. They are very different in their patterns of growth. The gardenia bursts forth in flowers almost as quickly as time lapsed photography. In the span of less than one day, I have watched buds open into blossoms, right before my eyes. The jade, on the other hand, is painfully slow. I can watch, even for weeks, as tiny pairs of leaves poke out from the middle of existing branches. I have to be so very patient as I wait for the jade to change.

Change in my life is like that too. There are times when major change can occur in a very short period of time. But often, that is not the case. Many, if not most changes, take time to evolve. Daily or monthly or even yearly changes may be difficult for me to detect.

I have to be patient. As surely as plants, with care, grow and change, my life changes as well. When I intentionally care for my spirit, my mind, and my body, my life does change. Sometimes the change is rapid. Sometimes it happens rather slowly. It will always take place.

Cows

In the meadow, cows stand lazily under the shade of a tree. They swish their tails. They chew their cuds. They stand there so unperturbed by their surroundings.

What is a cud? Cows chew and chew and chew. They finally swallow what they are chewing. Then they regurgitate and chew some more. They may do this several times. Cows find it so satisfying to chew their cud over and over again.

I am like that when I rehash resentments. I mull then over and over in my mind. I may choose to swallow them and forget about them for a time. But after a while I rehearse the circumstances over again, finding satisfaction in my justifiable resentments. In reality, what I am doing is regurgitating them. I want to taste them again. I find delight in doing so. Isn’t that a disgusting thought? But really, if you think about, that is exactly what I am doing.

As a sexaholic, I cannot afford to hold on to resentments. They threaten my sobriety. May I learn to recoil from resentments as I would recoil from my own “regurgitation”.

A Stone Wall

One spring day, I walked upon a stone wall. As the young will do, I pondered the meaning of life. I was nearing the end of my college years. It seemed as if I was coming to an abrupt halt after so many years of learning.

I continued to walk on the wall. Ahead of me, I saw many trees covered with flowers and showing signs of new growth. Violets nestled in the grass below me. The sky was blue and white and vast above me. Everything around me was alive and vibrant. Maybe my life wasn’t coming to a halt. Maybe, like spring, I was entering a new season, a new kind of learning. Maybe the wall did not represent a barrier on my journey. Maybe it was more like a bridge. A bridge towards hope. A bridge leading to growth and change.

My life came to an abrupt halt when I started on the path of addiction. It was as if a stone wall blocked my way. I became stunted. I stopped developing into the person that God intended me to be. But addiction need not be a barrier. I can start on a new path of learning. The 12 steps provide the bridge. Through these steps and the fellowship, I enter a new season. My life now is filled with hope and growth and change.

Quicksand

Quicksand is gripping and powerful. It can pull me in, cover me over and suck the life out of me. It is unrelenting in its grasp. It is useless to fight it. My flailing attempts to release myself only make my predicament worse. The only way out is to lay back, float, and wait for a rescue.

Temptations to act out in my addiction can be as tenacious as quicksand. They seem to suck me into their alluring grasp. There often seems to be no way out. What I have found is that fighting them only gives them strength. White knuckling doesn’t work.

However, there is a way out. I can lay back into the arms of my God and surrender. I don’t have to give in. I can give up and ask God to rescue me. It seems scary at first to not be fighting the temptations with all of my might. But I have found that that only empowers them. Surrender has become a beautiful word. I can give up instead of giving in.

Contentment

Last night I couldn’t sleep. I decided to read a little booklet titled “Acceptance”. I read that “….contentment consists not in getting what (I) want but in enjoying what (I) have.”

What!?!? You mean enjoying even my most difficult trial? That person or circumstance in my life that is like a constant dripping faucet? That situation that pounds relentlessly against me like the surf of the sea?

Well, let me think this through. What about the fact that this very trial, more than anything else, has driven me to the arms of my God? Maybe if my situation were more pleasing to me, I might think that I didn’t need God.

If I think this through, I really wouldn’t trade what I have for what I thought I wanted. It’s not been easy, but slowly, ever so slowly, I’m learning to be content.

A Pearl

Oysters are craggy and rough looking on the outside. But inside, they often contain a pearl. This pearl forms when a tiny grain of sand enters the life of the oyster. Ever so slowly, shimmering layers coat this ever-present irritant. Were it not for the grain of sand, a pearl would never result.

My life often contains irritants that I would rather not have present. Circumstances, people, things or institutions may intrude in on me. I would rather be rid of them, or better yet, not ever experience them in the first place. However, my Higher Power may allow these irritants to remain.

I can choose to respond with anger or resentment. Or I can also choose to respond with acceptance and surrender. I can choose to believe that I would not have things otherwise even if I could. It is when I choose these attitudes that my God can work wondrous miracles. He can build a pearl in my life that would otherwise not be possible

The Monument

Many of you knew Jesse L.
It's been several years since he passed away.
I found this poem on his desk the day of his memorial service.
I'd like to post it in his memory.


The Monument

God,
before He sent his children to earth,
gave each of them
a very carefully selected package
of troubles.

These,
He promised smiling,
are yours alone.
No one else may have the blessings
these problems will bring you

And only you
have the special talents and abilities
that will be needed to make these problems
your servants.

Know that I love you
beyond all measure.

These problems that I gave you
are a symbol of that love.
The monument you make of your life,
with the help of your problems,
will be a symbol of your
love for me.

Your Higher Power

My Life Preserver

Lust temptations remind me of the ocean. The surface is often beautiful and inviting. Little is seen of the dangers lurking beneath.

Sometimes they’re like the undertow. It is hardly noticeable at first. Then before I know it, it has pulled me far from where I want to be. It can seize me with its strength and tenacity and force me to where I can’t breathe. Sometimes they’re like huge waves. They come relentlessly, bowling me over time and time again.

God is my life Preserver. He is always there waiting for me to grab hold. I can’t save myself, but I can reach out. I can reach out and surrender to Him. God is the one who keeps me afloat.

Without a Doubt

Without a doubt, I know that the sun is present even if the day is cloudy. Without a doubt, I know that gravity will keep me from falling off of the earth. Without a doubt, I know that the world will not blow completely apart even though the nucleus of every atom is made up of electrons which would repel themselves in an instant were it not for God holding them together.

May I not doubt the presence and power of that same God even though I cannot physically see Him and at times my personal world seems like it is spinning out of control.